Tabloid Version Of Financial And Political News
Satire alert! To the best of my knowledge probably none of the following “news” is true.
- Maverick inventor creates high-tech magnet that extracts gold from sea water. Price of gold plunges to $750 per ounce. Goldman Sachs public relations specialist, Mr. I. R. Squid quoted as saying, “See, we were right and gold will drop even further.”
- Illegal aliens coming into the U.S. over the Mexican border actually are aliens. Their massive mother ship was filmed as it departed after unloading over 30,000 aliens who look just like us.
- Mayor of New York City worried about dehydration of New Yorkers during summer heat and banned all drink cups LESS than 32 ounces. Emergency room visits plummeted during the next 7 days.
- Massive green plant over 200 feet tall emerges from Iowa bean field was planted with high-tech seeds. Farmer’s name is Jack and he calls it his GMO beanstalk.
- Another prominent derivative banker committed suicide by shooting himself 3 times in the back of his head.
- The leaders of 2 major western countries were revealed as not human – they are well-dressed robots manufactured in Japan. Public opinion was, “Nobody knows. Nobody cares.”
- Climate change advocates are correct! Government scientists prove global warming is real by comparing average temperatures in Texas versus Canada.
- “Horror Story – the night the teleprompter died” is a new “made-for-TV movie” based on a recent White House public relations disaster.
- The Presidential ultimatum to the Federal Reserve. If creating more digital dollars has not improved my ratings by the next election, the White House will order a helicopter drop of $100 bills in all major cities.
- Shocking Scandal! Vaults at the Bank of England are empty – no more gold. A night watchman is suspected.
- Backroom deal struck in City of London! Pump stock markets up to new highs, dump it, and make billions of pounds/euros/dollars.
- Bank of Japan printing presses responsible for printing paper yen were contaminated by Fukushima radiation and had to be shut down. Economy went into a tail-spin and Tokyo residents rioted.
- Wall Street caught in the act of doing something decent. 176 bankers donated their 2013 bonuses to charity and volunteered to work for free in a soup kitchen one night per week.
- Senator from New York proposes amendment to constitution that would create a dual presidency. Elected president would make speeches and the Chairperson of the Federal Reserve would serve as president on all remaining days in which the elected president is playing golf, vacationing, or fund raising.
We return to a slightly more real world.
- The stock market is at an all-time high so we are told the economy is doing well.
- Central banks, the President, congress, and other world leaders are on the job, doing what they do best.
- Paper dollars/yen/euros/pounds might retain their purchasing power and more than $100,000,000,000,000 (One Hundred Trillion Dollars) in global debt might be repaid. It could happen!
- It will all be good IF you own physical gold and silver and remain skeptical of politicians, central banks, and mainstream news.
The Deviant Investor
Gary Christenson is the owner and writer for the popular and contrarian investment site Deviant Investor and the author of the book, “Gold Value and Gold Prices 1971 – 2021.” He is a retired accountant and business manager with 30 years of experience studying markets, investing, and trading. He writes about investing, gold, silver, the economy and central banking.